Cheating From The Mistress’s Point Of View (Pt 1)

Every time  I see a story online about a husband cheating on his wife or hear a woman talking about her cheating husband casually to a friend, I can't help but notice that the majority of these stories place most of the blame on the mistress as the cause of the man's infidelity.  The increasing cases of infidelity within relationships and marriages have led me to post my opinions on the subject not only because it is a growing problem, but because I know about these situations all too well.

Over the course of my dating life, I have been a mistress, a few times in fact, and I feel it is necessary for a woman to understand infidelity from the side of a woman who has been "the other woman".  I am by no means condoning the idea of men stepping outside of their marriages or women being involved with married men, nor am I proud of the situations I have been in with men that were in committed relationships.  However, I do not regret my experiences because they have helped me to understand the nature of men and the breakdown in relationships that leads to straying.  Do you REALLY want to know why your man incessantly sleeps around on you? The answer is quite simple: either you are the problem, or he has a problem with commitment  or his ego. Let me explain...

The first thing a woman scorned wants to do is blame the mistress for all of her woes, but she never stops to think about what it is she could have done to drive her man to cheat. When she first enters into the relationship, she is accommodating, attentive and all about snagging the affections of the man she has her eye on. After awhile when the haze from the love bug has worn off and reality begins to set in, she becomes a nag, stops paying him as much attention, starts to ration off sex like it's a treat given for performing good deeds and becomes lazy when it comes to maintaining the affections of her man.  The minute a man feels like he isn't wanted or needed, he will go and find someone to fill that void, ESPECIALLY when he isn't being fulfilled sexually.

When a man decides to go outside of the relationship to explore other options, it's almost like he's crying out for help for something that he feels he desperately needs whether it's sex, attention, or a listening ear. The major thing these men look for in a mistress is an outlet: A woman that can help them fulfill their sexual fantasies, someone that is fun and carefree that can help them relieve the stress of work and the issues back at home and someone that makes them feel like they are needed and desired. No man really wants to cheat, but when pushed to the point of desperation, he will seek out someone that can meet his needs.

From my experiences with married men, I have learned that most of them don't have intentions of leaving their wives. In fact, most of these men love their wives dearly. They just aren't getting the attention they desire.  In the cases where men leave their wives for their mistresses,  the marriages were already broken beyond repair and on the way to divorce.  Mistresses are labeled as "home wreckers", but honestly you can't break something that is solid.  Most of the time in these situations, it is the married man that goes and and seeks the affections of the mistress, not the other way around.

In my case, I had a natural chemistry with these men and a desire to better their lives. I did not allow myself to become disillusioned and believe that I would ever have a stable, healthy relationship with either of them, and most of the time I encouraged these men to work things out with their wives.  All in all, if you are facing a situation where you feel your boyfriend/husband/significant other is on the verge of cheating or currently cheating, take some time to figure out what it is you need to add to the relationship to bring him back to you. Don't go flying off the handle at the mistress. The smartest thing to do is to consult the mistress to find out what his issues are because more than likely he has confided in her about your relationship.  It might be kind of tough to come face to face with the woman that has stolen a part of your man's affections, but I guarantee you if you can put aside your feelings long enough to get to the root of the problem, you will be able to save your relationship. Communication is key!

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  • Eden

    I appreciate your honesty so much. Love this article because most women don’t look at it from a different point of view. They just point the finger on who to blame often times without looking at themselves.

    October 9, 2011 Reply
  • MJJ

    Great article. I did that with an ex of mine. I actually became really good friends with the woman and are still close to this day.

    November 26, 2011 Reply
  • Stephanie

    I loved reading this !! and I wonder if anyone could reccomend any books to this nature ?

    November 7, 2012 Reply
  • MJ

    This was an EXCELLENT article. Keep up the good work!!

    August 8, 2013 Reply
  • MIT

    Loved your article! I have been on both sides and I completely agree with everything you wrote.

    When I was married and discovered that my husband was cheating on me, I was devastated and blamed his mistress.

    We are no longer together but remain very friendly with my ex and his girlfriend who was the mistress during our marriage.

    I am currently a mistress and I understand how i contributed to the breakdown of my marriage. I had become unpleasant, nagged him, didn’t pay attention to him and did not make him feel special anymore. I no longer blame the mistress.

    As a mistress myself now, I am doing everything I should have done during my marriage and I see how receptive and appreciative my married lover is. He loves his wife but obviously missiing something in his marriage.

    Thank you for sharing your story as well as the excellent advice!

    September 4, 2014 Reply
  • Katrine

    Sometimes,Life can be very displeasing especially when we loose the ones we love and cherish so much. in this kind of situation where one loses his/her soul mate there are several dangers engage in it. one may no longer be able to do the things he was doing before then success will be very scarce and happiness will be rare. that person was created to be with you for without him things may fall apart. That was my experience late last year. but thank god today i am happy with him again. all thanks goes to Dr. Osaze, i was nearly loosing hope until i saw an article on how Dr. Osaze could cast a love spell to make lovers come back. There is no harm in trying, i said to my self. i contacted him via email: “spirituaullove @ hotmail. com” words will not be enough to appreciate what he has done for me. i have promised to share the good news as long as i live.

    August 20, 2015 Reply

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