So you're a couple looking to spice things up, and the fantasy of having a threeway is on the menu. Way to go! You're stepping outside of your vanilla ways and into the spice of sex that can ultimately change the way you view your sex life forever. While having a threesome is a valid and often common fantasy for couples to have (predominately men who want to have sex with other women at the consent of their partners) there are rules that need to be understood before bringing a third person into your sexual equation. Before I lay out the foundation, let me lay out a few facts and necessities about threesomes that every couple should know:
- It's often easier for a woman that is bisexual or bicurious to agree to a threesome that involves two women and one guy.
- There are five different types of threesomes including one active member, One inactive member, voyeur, two girls one guy, two guys one girl.
- A threesome will NOT save your marriage
- Condoms should be switched out before entering a new partner
- STD statuses must be known (create a position of safety for all involved)
- The desire shouldn't be one sided. Both persons within the relationship must be on board
Now that I've laid down some basic facts and necessities for threesomes, here are a few questions that should be raised before going into setting rules and creating boundaries:
- Why am I interested in doing this?
-If your reasoning behind going into a threesome is to save you marriage or to have sex with other people because your partner isn't doing it for you the way you would like, you should first go into marriage counseling and sex coaching to remedy the issues within your relationship and sex life. There is no type of positive remedy that will result from bringing a new energy into your bedroom. It will only cause more confusion
2. Is my partner on board?
-Sometimes we assume our partners have the same desires as us, but that is never a safe assumption to have. Communicate with your partner about your desires before going through steps to make the fantasy a reality.
3. Can I take seeing my partner involved with another person?
-Again, a threeway isn't always the traditional two girls and one guy dynamic. Sometimes it involves two men and one woman. You must be completely comfortable with seeing your partner being pleasured by another and actually enjoying it. Jealousy is a common emotion that can arise during a threeway, so combat that negative energy from coming into the equation by checking in with yourself and remembering that after the fun is over, you and your partner and back to your relationship with just the two of you.
Once you've gotten these questions answered and out of the way, it's time to implement the rules of your erotic rendezvous.
- It is wise to allow the female partner to choose the lady of choice in a GGB situation to avoid jealousy's presence in the situation. Allowing her to take control over the girl that is being brought into the bedroom gives her the power she needs to feel comfortable about sharing her mate with another. Let her lead and do a role reversal as a way to draw another element into the experience.
- Establish where the activity will be taking place. Some feel comfortable with allowing this form of play into their personal homes, while others are more comfortable with setting up an arranged place to get it on. Figure out which is best and go forward.
- Determine which sexual activities will take place. Is it okay for him to go down on her? Are you comfortable with the girls playing with each other? Is kissing in the mouth acceptable? Ask these types of questions and give your honest answers to determine how your sexual experience will unfold.
- Set levels of communication. After the fun has come and gone, will you keep in contact with the fantasy woman of the night? Set the boundaries for how communication will be after the sexual experience has occurred. Building relationships with the "playmate" may be an option, but for some a one-time encounter is referred (definitely a ONS story to tell).
Once you have communicated about the rules and boundaries, you can begin to look for your perfect play mate. That will be another lesson on a different day.