I have to admit that this fourth assignment in my fetish training was one that I didn't want to do, simply because it was a denial of something I love to do. Jasmine and King of Jetsettingjasmine.com notified me two weeks ago that I would be participating in Edging, a technique where the participant arouses him/herself up until the point right before orgasm and then ends all stimulation before the orgasm takes place. Edging, to many, sounds like sheer torture, but I already knew not only how to edge but the benefits of edging. It isn't something that I practice often, so for Jasmine and King basically control my orgasm from afar was a new experience for me. The benefits of edging bring with them awareness of "point of no return" (the moment that you can't stop an orgasm), how to be multi-orgasmic, how to control and be present in arousal and an increase in sexual energy. Want to read more about my experience? Then continue on below!
The assignment was simple: You are only allowed to masturbate four times in two weeks, and you are only allowed to orgasm on the fourth time. I was immediately irritated at the idea of having to prolong my orgasm, but I knew this was something I needed to do. Orgasm denial is a hard NO on my list of fetishes, but as I move deeper into exploration I know that I have to be open to experiencing a few things that may not be comfortable for me in order to become a more self-aware sexuality coach in the end.
And so it began.
During a workout I decided to lay on my yoga mat and give myself a little rousing before hitting the treadmill again. I pressed my belly button towards the floor, placed the soles of my feet together and opened my pelvis to the ceiling to reveal my lady bits without shame. My clitoris was asleep awaiting my touch to become alive for play. I took my two fingers and began to massage on each side of her gently waking her up with each stroke of my fingers. I closed my eyes trying not to think about having to hold back from having the release I desired, so I focused on the feeling of my body beginning to become aroused. My heart began to beat faster, my body began to tingle and blood rushed into my vulva making my lips juicier, more delicious than before I had began my self pleasure.
I let my mind drift into nothingness as I focused on the feeling of my arousal moving from one stage to the other...from excitement to plateau right where I knew my orgasm was about to peek through. No longer was I using two fingers to bring myself to the edge. I was using the one finger that got me to that place every time. My index finger was working overtime and my clit jumped in excitement to meet it with each swirl to the right that it completed.
And then I felt that moment.
That moment where my body was rising to begin the involuntary contractions that accompany an orgasm. I had to stop it, and without hesitation I removed my fingers from between my dripping lips and closed my legs tightly. I wasn't going to let this assignment beat me. And then I realized...shit..I have two more times to edge and two weeks to go.
I began to feel like I wouldn't make it.
After the first weekend, I was completely over the idea of masturbating. Frustration set in at this point because my arousal wasn't leading me to the orgasm I craved. "WTF am I doing this for" is a thought that couldn't help but creep into my mind. And then I began to see how this was affecting my mood overall. I wasn't sleeping well, I felt withdrawn, but my energy was higher, I had more energy to work and everything around me seemed brighter. I actually enjoyed the invigorating feeling that was coursing through my body during those two weeks, but I noticed that my pinned up orgasm was also making me less tolerant of others especially when they met me with complaints or negativity. I had no issue with saying NO when I didn't feel like doing something or when someone was doing something I didn't like. This aspect of edging definitely made me feel more empowered and helped me set the boundaries that I had issues with putting into place before. But the desire to pleasure myself was definitely diminishing.
And then Monday Came...and I came
But when I had an orgasm for the first time in two weeks I noticed that my orgasm was different. The first orgasm was actually a release of tears. As I massaged my clit with my favorite vibrator tears streamed from my eyes as I let the feeling overtake me. My body wasn't contracting or going through spasms, but my eyes were draining themselves with no shame. I have had releases in the past where tears would be brought to my eyes but nothing like this uncontrollable flow. I turned off my vibrator and laid in silence as I let the tears continue to come. It felt as if I was releasing stress or anxiety that I had been holding on to even before this assignment. And when the tears ceased my mind felt clear.
And so I started again.
This time as I turned my vibrator even higher I could feel my clitoris contracting and going through an orgasm within itself, and the sensation felt different than anything I had ever experienced. I was having small orgasms that felt amazing but not quite satisfying and the body shaking orgasms I'm so used to having. And so I stopped once more to give my body the moment it needed to calm down.
Third time...let's do this.
I decided to switch my vibrator to a function that would stimulate my clit in waves instead of a continuous stream of vibration. And as I moved the tip of my hand held towards my U spot I could feel something rising in me that I'm all too familiar with. And within a matter of seconds my body was in that familiar state of euphoria that I'm so aware of when my orgasm is about to peak. And just like that, the final orgasm I was waiting for pushed through with a might squirt that I tried to stop from ruining the sheets underneath me.
I should have prepared for that.
So the results are in and edging is pretty fucking awesome! Not only did edging give me the courage to stand on the word NO and to set boundaries, it also helped me with recognizing the different types of orgasms and releases I can have and how to control them in multitudes during sex. Edging also helped me with quailing my desire for sex, which is something that I definitely needed help in. Being able to place a cap on my sexual energy and telling myself to behave is a boundary I needed in helping me to avoid slipping into addictive behaviors that have set me back in the past. Edging will become a consistent activity within my sex life now. It's helped me become more self aware through denial, and I'm grateful for that.
On to the next assignment :-)