So you've reached that point in your relationship where you feel like you're not getting what you desire from your sex life. In other words, things have gone STALE. It happens. And there's no need to worry about how you got to this stagnant point within your sexual relationship. The fact of the matter is, everyone gets to a point where things that used to work for you sexually no longer apply. We grow and evolve daily, and if we are not consciously focusing on how our sexual preferences are shifting, we will end up running our sensuality on auto pilot.
So how do you get your sex life back on track when you'v realized you have fallen off? I'm here to give you 5 tips to give your sex life a jump start after realizing you need a change.
1. ADMIT THAT YOU'VE FALLEN OFF
Go ahead and do yourself a favor and admit that you aren't happy with where your sex life is right now. Admittance is the first step in changing anything about your life. Make sure to also admit this to your partner if you are in a relationship. A happy sex life is a team effort, and you won't be able to move forward in deriving what you want from your sex life if you and your partner aren't on the same page. If you are single, you can have a conversation with yourself that you record on a voice note on your phone, via a video you film of yourself, or document your feelings in a journal. If you don't journal at all, now would be a great time to start. If you don't know how to begin a journal for yourself, checking out this article on how to do just that.
2. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT
After admitting that you've fallen into a rut, it's natural to begin thinking about all of the things that have gone awry in your relationship with your partner or with yourself. Refrain from falling into the sunken place of self pity and blame, and immediately begin to think about the sex life that you want to have. What is your ultimate goal for your sex life? Do you want to have more orgasms? Do you want to take more exotic trips? Do you want to build a larger collection of sex toys? Perhaps you want to have group sex with other like minded people or experience intimacy with the same sex. Ask yourself the question: "What do I want to experience in my sex life" and make a note of whatever comes to mind. If you haven't the slightest clue about what you want, it's time to do some research.
3. DO SOME SEXY RESEARCH
Make the time to do a quick google search of the things you're interested in. The internet is filled with sources of information on sex toys, sex acts, sexy get aways and the like. Beyond taking the your search to the internet, find places in your city that can advocate for your sexual exploration. Lingerie shops, sex stores, adult clubs, strip clubs, nudist groups, BDSM Clubs, sex positive meet up and more are available to you wherever you live. Have fun discovering new ways to cater to your sexuality and uncovering new things about yourself.
4. MAKE TIME TO PLAY
The only way to improve of your sex life is to put in work! You have to make time to incorporate erotic play into your daily life. Remembering that sex is about exploring intimacy and play is essential to your improvement. Sex isn't just about reaching an orgasm and feeling good. It's also about feeling empowered in your choices as a sensual being and connecting to all of life's pleasures. Schedule time for yourself or for you and your partner to connect intimately within the things you've pinpointed as interests. The time you schedule can be as little as 10 minutes or as much as 3 hours. However much time you feel you need to completely explore your desires without stress or strain, SCHEDULE IT! No one is going to advocate for your pleasure, so it's your responsibility to make it so.
5. REMAIN COMMITTED TO SEXUAL CONSCIOUSNESS
Your sexual preferences and desires will change as you continue to grow and go throughout life. Make a commitment to remain conscious about where you are in your sexual journey, and check in with yourself often. You can prevent yourself from falling back into a rut by keeping your sexual needs within the forefront of your consciousness. Remember, your sex life is your responsibility, and the power of enjoyment is in your hands.