Ms. Independent: Reasons You Don’t Have A Man

I have to start off this article by saying that  I am proud of my fellow women who have their own. I'm proud of the women that dedicated themselves to education and earned well paying careers that now fund their comfortable lifestyles. I'm excited that women have come from under the dominant shadow of men to be independent and to have thoughts and minds of their own.  All of these achievements of the independent women are something to praise, however, there is a certain mentality that has left the independent woman sleeping alone at night with no companionship. What's even more interesting is that this problem is seen predominantly in the African American community where the ratio of available men to single women is quite low.

Women often blame a part of the problem on the number of black men who have turned to homosexuality, those who have chosen the life of institutionalization (aka those locked up in prison) and those who choose to date outside of the African American Community, but the real question is raised: if you are a beautiful, educated, self motivated, successful Sista with funds and assets of your own, why are you single, alone and often times bitter?  Well, I have been collecting data from observing the relationships around me and polling men in the African American Community, and based on my research these are some of the reasons why a good number of independent sistas are failing when it comes to love.


Over the years you have compiled a list of things you look for in a man, and as you have become more successful, the list has gotten longer and longer. Your man has to look a certain way, eat a certain way, have a certain style of dress, drive a particular car, be in a certain tax bracket, practice your religion etc, etc.  We all have our "ideal" man, but when you create a list that is almost impossible for any real man to live up to, it makes it very difficult for you to keep any interest in a man and makes you a bit of a turn off and hard to please.  You will have to relax some of your expectations and realize that the average man may not have what you have in terms of assets, education and career goals. You will have to compromise on something that is on your list. Just make sure it's something you are willing to go without.


When independent women hear the word SUBMIT, it's like taking a knife and driving it in her back. What you have to understand ladies is that submitting in a relationship does not mean that you are weak or unable to care for yourself. It simply means that when it is necessary, you let your man take the lead in a situation while you stand beside him as a support system. A relationship is about teamwork and compromise...not about who has more of the power. If you can become comfortable with letting some of the control go at the times when it's needed, you will be able to sustain a solid relationship where you aren't bowing down, but allowing your man to shine and being his foundation to stand on.


African American women are known for complaining about black men dating white women and that being one of the reasons why they can't find a good black man. Well guess what? Those men have the right idea! A good man is a good man no matter what his skin color is or his ethnic background.  When you aren't willing to branch out into exploring the plethora of men the world has to offer, you will continue to be single, lonely and horny. Step out of the box! Love has no barriers.

There are a ton of women who are self starters and successful in their careers that are happily married, but the difference between them and the single independent woman is her ability to compromise and realize that love is the basis for all relationships. She understands that her man may not have what she has, but he loves her and supports her and she reciprocates the same.  Independent ladies looking for companionship, please learn to loosen your standards and date outside of your color code. You may find that love comes in a package that wasn't predicted on your List.

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  • J fowler

    I dig this one……pass it on

    October 13, 2011 Reply
  • JulioTheFoolio

    Woman I fucks with you! This is so true. Love is love when u find it grab it and appreciate it!

    October 16, 2011 Reply
  • Kathleen Turner

    An interesting discussion is worth comment. I think that you should write more on this topic, it might not be a taboo subject but generally people are not enough to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers

    October 18, 2011 Reply
  • Cadence Harper

    LOVE that last line.

    October 23, 2011 Reply

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