VIOLATION: The Phone Snooper

So you're at your partner's house and he or she has been glued to their phone all night with smiles creeping across their face and chuckles muttered under their breath every other text. As soon as he or she leave the room, you immediately dash for the unattended phone to see why his or her attention has been divided between you and this stupid phone. You begin to scroll through past messages and discover your lover has been conversing with someone of the opposite sex. You get upset, confront your partner about the situation, sparks fly and now you're on the verge of a breakup.

This is an all too familiar scenario between couples that comes up at least one time in a relationship. As valid as your reasons may be for checking your partner's phone, taking that bold move to check the cell is a MAJOR VIOLATION. I'm not just talking about a violation of privacy, but a complete violation of the trust you claimed to have in that person. When you reach for that phone and begin to play private eye investigator, you may find messages that can be misinterpreted and cause major problems for yourself.  Snooping through your partner's phone, facebook, twitter, other personal profiles or electronic devices shows a lack of confidence in your relationship and it also displays a level of insecurity within yourself. When your partner catches you in the act of investigation, their trust in you has now been broken and they will begin to keep more things secret from you because they feel their personal space has been violated.  Instead of being sneaky and going behind your partner's back to find out information, come to them face to face with your concerns and questions, but also remember that your partner had a life before they met you, and there will be relationships that will not be sacrificed because of your union. If you have a problem with your partner's relationships with individuals of the opposite sex, TELL THEM instead of sneaking around trying to put clues together for yourself. You may accuse your partner of cheating when his or her relationship was completely innocent with the person you've targeted as a side dip.

If your insecurity and jealousy has pushed you to the point where you feel you need to keep close tabs on your partner's social networking or socializing via text, then it's time to examine yourself and why you have that insecurity in the first place. Many people like to blame their insecurities on everyone else around them instead of taking a look within to consider what they are not comfortable with within themselves. Take the time to pinpoint the issues within yourself, and maybe your issues with trust will subside just a bit.

I'm not saying that there aren't times when investigation will not produce factual findings of a straying mate, but the issue is with the way you go about obtaining the information. Stop being fake and passive aggressive and put the issues on the table in plain view.  If you want to go through text messages and emails, then ASK. Being real and upfront is always better than being sneaky, especially if you want to retain the trust of your partner.

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1 Comment

  • David

    Totally agree with u on the the subject matter but usually there is a undertone reason why most people do it outside of insecurity. And this is not speaking to the complete fact that it’s is rude and disrespectful to be in engaged in those communication while in that space. Imagine u went to your mans house or your girls house and he or she spends more time communicating online with “friends” than she or he does actually engaging with u; I think every human with a pulse would find that annoying and it’s not cause of an insecurity issue.

    January 12, 2015 Reply

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