Pussy Sabotage: How Women Unknowingly Do Damage

One night while having a good ol time with myself, I began to think about how many women are so fearful of touching themselves and how many rarely take the time to show their vulvas and vaginas love.  I began to think about how we shave, wax and even pluck the hairs covering our fleshy V's and luscious lips all for the sake of bearing bear camel toes that appear to be "more appealing" to the men who love to feed their porn-infused fantasies (some women just don't like pubs period).  I also began to think about how many women have never experienced the euphoric pleasure of an orgasm as I came down from my own, and began to feel a bit sad at the thought of it.  I decided to open my emails to look at letters I had received from followers across the globe that day and wasn't surprised to see a few messages from women complaining about the dissatisfaction in their sexual relationships.  I determined that I had had enough.  Ladies, it's time for me to be completely truthful with you.  We compromise our sex lives because we sabotage our own pussies.

Let me explain.

Pussy sabotage occurs in several different forms from a lack of self pleasuring, absence of intimacy,improper personal care and negative thoughts cast on the vagina.

Lack of self pleasure

In order to have truly fulfilling sex, one must KNOW THYSELF, and this proves to be even more important for women than for men.  Women are emotionally based and when sex comes into the frame of our minds, we begin to rationalize the act by attaching emotions to it.  For us, it is more difficult to orgasm because we are in our heads most of the time and many of us lack an understanding of just how important the clitoris is to our pleasure.  Hmph, some women can't even find their clit if their lives depended on it, but that's ok! It's there and ready to be discovered.  There has been a worldwide cultural stigma placed on female masturbation (or as I love to call it "self pleasuring/self love"), but it is time to come from under the shaming of KNOWING THYSELF.  Masturbation isn't anything new. Archaeologists have even found blunt objects in what appeared to be phallic shapes that were used as dildos for for self pleasuring in the cave man (woman) days. If primitive women saw the importance in self pleasure, then why shouldn't we in this technological age where clitoral vibrators and magical rabbits have been made with multiple speeds and in fun colors?  I understand, toys can be quite intimidating, but using fingers is god's greatest gift to humans. Stop sabotaging your own pleasure and become comfortable with touching yourself.  Become one with your clitoris and take control of your sexual pleasure.

Absence of Intimacy

Intimacy connects us emotionally to our partners and to ourselves, and when we lack that intimacy we sabotage the ability for our vagina to be fully engaged during sex.  Vaginal Dryness and painful sex are common complaints I hear from women, and this is due in part to the absence of foreplay during sex.  Men are ready in 60 seconds to penetrate and be on their way to an orgasm within minutes, but women, we need some time to get going.  Our sexual energy has to travel from our heads down to our pelvises, and foreplay facilitates that travel.  Take the time to be intimate not only with your partner but with yourself as well.  Don't be shy about asking your partner to touch you in places you like. Afterall, sex is about mutual satisfaction.

Lack of proper care

A major complaint within relationships is the condition of the vagina, and many men refuse to go down on their partners because of unpleasant smells that can sometimes occur because of infection (BV is quite common and it's an overgrowth of bad bacteria). The vagina is a self cleaning organ, however, everything we put into our bodies (including our partners) has an affect on it's delicate ecosystem.  The clothes we wear, the products we use "down there" and even the removal of pubic hair can sabotage the pussy. Wearing cotton underwear in the correct size is recommended because the cotton allows air to flow freely to the vagina, providing it with the oxygen it needs to help good bacteria within its ecosystem to flourish. If panties aren't your thing (they certainly aren't for me) then go commando (without).  For those who choose to ditch the panties, it is a wise decision to carry feminine wipes or baby wipes to clean the vulva throughout the day, especially when sweating heavily.  Shaving and waxing is fine on occasion, but by stripping away pubic hair you are removing a line of defense that protects the vagina and urethra from nasty bacterial invaders. For black women in particular shaving and waxing can create ingrown hairs and blemishes that can become unsightly.  Instead of rushing to remove the hair, take the time to appreciate the natural state of the vulva.  Take care of your kitty and she will take care of you!

Negative thoughts about your vagina

What we think has an affect on how the vagina behaves, and when negative thoughts or shame is cast in her direction she becomes resentful, tight and unwilling to cooperate.  It's sabotage in the worst way. If abuse, incessant shaming from others or learned negative views/behaviors are holding you back from truly connecting with your vagina, then sex coaching or speaking to a sex therapist will help with healing from those situations and moving forward in a healthy way.  Find your sexual truth and live in that daily knowing that it is healthy and encouraging to connect with your pussy in a positive way.

We all participate in pussy sabotage at some point in our lives ladies, but it's time to correct those bad habits to live out more fulfilling sex lives.