It's commonly assumed that sexually active people are completely comfortable in their skin, but that's far from the truth in reality. It's rarely spoken about, but self image and how one views themselves sexually plays a big part in sexual performance. It may sound like an issue that only women deal with, but don't get it twisted! Men can be just as self conscious about their bodies as women are, and guess what? There is nothing wrong with that. Women tend to be more insecure about their body shapes, whereas men typically have hang up about their penis shapes and sizes I (can't even begin to count how many emails and tweets I receive daily from men who literally want me to check their size and give them security that their size is adequate to satisfy any woman.)
Stretch marks, cellulite, curves that have more to love, breasts that have been beaten by gravity and even less than perfectly manicured toes are all common self image issues that plague women when they reach the threshold of the bedroom. In fear of being turned away at the sight of any of these supposed "imperfections" most women with these insecurities run and hide under covers before sex begins, or demand a pitch black room to avoid the wandering eyes of her partner while performing the hanky panky. And don't you dare ask her to get on top, because she will shake in her boots at the mere thought of her partner having full sight of her body, let alone observing her insecurity with being in control during sex.
Men who carry around a load of sexual insecurity will typically behave in the same manner or will try to hide their precious package from a woman until penetration ensues. Don't ask to go down on him and don't you dare try to touch his penis because his erection will go south of the border at the mere thought of a woman discovering what he believes to be a less than worthy magic stick.
It's common for anyone to have issues with sexual self image, and who could blame them when society as a whole isn't as accepting of the various body types in existence. Every ad that sells sex sports an airbrushed version of a woman whose body seems to be heavenly made, and each pornographic flick viewed by the horny and erect features a man with a larger than average penis that puts any average man to shame. Sexual self esteem first begins with having a sex positive mind and having mental images of healthy body types. Entertainers and the beautiful people of Hollywood are placed on pedestals that make is easy for anyone to set their physical looks above and below as the standard of beauty, but this is an unhealthy practice.
Once a man or a woman has it in his or her head that they do not physically meet standard to be desired sexually, the mind disconnects from the genitals and is no longer set to prepare the body for arousal. Funny thing is, most of these insecurities appear when a couple right at the brink of getting it on (if you're already in the heat of the moment and your clothes are being removed, you are as good as F*cked, so why fight it?). Erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, dry vagina and painful sex are just a few of the common issues with sex that can result from insecurities with sexual self image.
So how does one get over these insecurities? Easy. By accepting themselves as they are and realizing that those perpetuated standards of beauty are based on a system that a group of people in a marketing room as deemed as socially acceptable. If anyone were to stop and truly take a look at the people who coexist with them daily, he or she would discover that the average person isn't a supermodel, doesn't have washboard abs and every single person has a different standard of beauty. it doesn't matter if your body isn't perfectly toned or if your genitals don't look like the ones in the picture books. What matters most is that you accept yourself and are confident in your own skin, because confidence is the sexiest thing you can wear.
Here are my personal tips for increasing self love and acceptance of one's sexual self:
- Spend as much time naked as possible. Getting comfortable in your own skin is the best way to embrace your natural self. If possible, spend time with your partner naked in the daylight. The best time to do this would be first thing in the morning before getting ready. You will discover that there is nothing to fear but morning breath
- Look in the mirror while naked and take it all in. As you're looking in the mirror say 5 positive things about your body. To become even more confident in your sexual self, have sex in front of a mirror and look at yourself while you're in the moment. You may find a sexual beast looking back at you that will surprise you.
- Stop comparing yourself to other people. There is only one you, and if your partner thinks you are amazing as you are, then that's all that matters.
These are just a few tips on how to embrace self. Be confident, stop comparing yourself to others and be sexually free.